I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
