Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
