Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
