We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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