1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
