why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
