none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
