Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
