And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
only if we run a train.
done.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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