i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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