You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
