the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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