Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
