they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
