I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
