turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
