I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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