WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
