His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
