I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
