I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Boobs are out for the taking
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
