My nipple is on Facebook.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
