she woke up with a sticky ear
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
