How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
