Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
