I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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