ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
