So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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