girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
