I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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