Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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