Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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