omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
