Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
