Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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