the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
