I want to walk on stilts...naked
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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