Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
