would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
