Four minutes until I can fart!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
