Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
