everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
