That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
handjob tips. give me some.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
