we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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