Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
