I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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