dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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