It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
