I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
