I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
