i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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