Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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