it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You are the jesus of drinking
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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