i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
