You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
