Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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