Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
